all i want is a little conversation...

[the_other_guy]

It had been...quite a while since the Other Guy's return, and they still hadn't talked about it.

Bruce felt incredibly fortunate. While it was awkward, it didn't actually change anything. They still had dinner at his place every single night, he cooked five nights out of seven, and the other two, sometimes three, Kenzi still brought take out. She still let herself in if he was late at the lab, and he still had no idea how she'd gotten a key when he'd never given her one.

The only difference was that he walked her home every night now. She'd ask to leave, just early enough that it wasn't inconvenient rather than sleep on his couch because she stayed too late. When she'd help him in the kitchen, even if helping consisted of no more than sitting on the counter and eating the vegetables he was chopping to cook, there were...moments.

His hand might brush her knee, and he'd remember the way her legs felt wrapped around him. She might be pushing dishes away, and a glimpse at her ass or the way her breasts strained just a little against her latest corset would bring back the alcohol-touched memory of the way her skin tasted. He hated himself not because he kept thinking about the night they spent together, but because he enjoyed thinking about that night when he still didn't know if it even meant anything.

And it was okay if it didn't. He'd have it to treasure...one night when he felt connected to another person again, where he could feel the touch of another human being without fear, where he could let himself feel without turning it into a clinical exercise.

If nothing else, he'd come to realize one thing: while he'd never asked for this, never really opened the door for her to walk in, Kenzi wasn't just his pet thief or his problem child. Kenzi was his friend, she mattered...when he thought about her, no control, no focus on his physiological responses, it brought the same hot, tight swell of emotion that came when he thought about Tony, the only other person in his life who didn't care that he was a walking nuclear explosion and didn't judge him for being afraid.

It was Friday, and Kenzi had texted him in advance that she was bringing the food that night. By the grace of God, she wasn't trying to force him to try that Thai place she'd come to love (their noodles were awful), and at seven thirty on the dot they were sprawled out on the sofa watching a DVD she'd rented on the way to his place with food from a Chinese place a block from his house that made Egg Foo Yung just the way Bruce liked it.

He was halfway through his dinner when he finally got sick of stealing looks at her across the couch and sick to death of trying to read into her occasional explosion of commentary on the lack of realism in the zombies that were part of the movie they were watching. Taking his feet off the coffee table, he sat forward to set his styrofoam container down and grabbed the remote, pausing the DVD. Turning to face Kenzi, he raked a hand back through his hair and finally flashed her a small, almost sad smile.

"Kenzi?...babe, I'm sorry, but we've got to talk about it."

Comments

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

Personally, Kenzi thought it was kind of a miracle that the night-they-didn't-talk-about hadn't changed things. She had seen it happen that way plenty of times after all and she was glad that she didn't lose one of the best things she had found in Darrow.

That didn't mean she could stop thinking about it though because she couldn't.

If she didn't dream about it, she found herself randomly going over the events of that night again. It was worse when they were near each other at times. Whenever he touched the small of her back when they walked, whenever they brushed close in the small confines of his kitchen and definitely whenever she found herself nearly falling asleep curled up beside him.

So yeah, she couldn't stop thinking about him that way but more about how they were friends and she didn't want to lose him. She had already lost so much and so had he. That was why they had bonded, had grown as close as they did, and she didn't want to lose it.

So she tried not to think about it all too much but it seemed it was on his mind when suddenly he was pausing the movie and telling her that they needed to talk.

Biting down the bubble of panic, she twisted just enough to face him as she gave him a somewhat innocent look. "About what?"

[the_other_guy]

"You know about what." Bruce admonished gently, raising an eyebrow at her as he leaned forward to rest his arms across his knees. "That first night without my powers. You and me..."

He trailed off, clearing his throat as the memory of that night flitted through his mind...pressing her back into the bed, her nails raking over his bare back...

With a sigh, he made himself meet her gaze. "I know it's been on your mind. It's been on mine, too, and I think we need to talk about it...clear the air before it gets weird."

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

Kenzi bit her lip as he leaned forward and reminded her of the first night without his powers. Not that she needed reminding but it seemed he was determined to talk about it.

"Okay." She nodded slowly. "And you're right, we probably should talk about it. So...what do you want to say?"

[the_other_guy]

"I guess...I just want to know where it came from?" he replied, equally uncertain as to what he wanted to talk about, but dead sure that it needed to be discussed. Maybe it was just the scientist in him, but there were a lot of unanswered questions about the whole thing...about Kenzi in general...and he hated not having answers.

And it infuriated him, nine times out of ten, that Kenzi was so damn good at wiggling her way out of giving him any.

"If it was just the booze, that's fine." Bruce assured her. "We were drunk, we were...both feeling a special brand of sloppy good, near as I can tell. Recreational sex between a couple of consenting adults, inebriated or otherwise, is perfectly normal stuff, and it doesn't have to change our friendship."

He hesitated, watching her face closely. "But...I guess I want to know if it was more than that or not. If it wasn't, that's okay, but if it was? It needs to be out in the open. I don't...I can't afford to let things unsaid fester and potentially destroy a relationship I value. You're important to me...you know that, right?"

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

"Well..." Kenzi drew in a breath as he asked where it came from. "Sometimes when two people like each other and they're drunk..." She had made it sound serious at first but she knew he wasn't really looking for the usual sarcastic Kenzi response which was why she trailed off under the inevitable look that she got for him. Then she popped him a cheeky sort of grin. "Sorry, couldn't resist."

She sobered then because he was asking her all the questions that she had been asking herself. Shifting her weight, she tried not to look as nervous as she felt but she was pretty sure that the way she was fidgeting with the hem of her sleeves gave it away.

Then she looked surprised by his last question. "Of course I do. And you know that you're important to me, right? Like...majorly important."

[the_other_guy]

"I do." He assured her hastily, reaching out to cover one of her hands with his own in silent reassurance. "I know that, Kenz, that's why I want to have this talk. Our friendship...it's previous to me, but even more important, it's been critical in my...treatment."

Removing his hands from hers with a sigh, Bruce raked a hand back through his hair. "The day of my...incident...he seemed to know you. That's only ever happened once before, and she was a woman I cared deeply for." He paused, looking up at her.

"We were engaged at one point...and that's not a declaration of any sort, Kenzi, merely an example of the...intensity of feeling required to pierce the veil of the Id, as it were." He continued. "I care a great deal about you, and I know you care about me...but you just lost someone, and I can't...be intimate. With anyone. So we need to ask ourselves: do these feelings go deeper, and if so...do we want to find a time and place to act on them?"

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

"I didn't get the chance to say yes..." She started weakly, still feeling the flush of shame that had kept her from accepting Hale's proposal right away or even before he died. But this wasn't about Hale and yet he was at the center of the whole mess. Of course Bruce hadn't been talking about Hale but about this Betty woman he had mentioned once or twice. It made her realize once again what they had in common.

It was hard to focus past the buzzing in her ears though as she listened to what Bruce was saying. Both of them had lost someone they loved, someone that had meant a lot to them, and someone they hadn't been sure they would ever get over. Maybe a part of them never would. But the truth of it was that they weren't dead or anything like that. The chance of them never falling in love again was slim to none. And it was apparent there was something between them.

But whatever it was between them wasn't without issue. They had both lost someone and then there was the sex or lack there of. Still, did that mean they shouldn't try to figure out how deep the feelings went?

"Do you think they go deeper?" She asked softly. "Do they go deeper for you?"

[the_other_guy]

Truthfully, Bruce had been trying to answer that question as honestly as he could for himself ever since the morning after it had happened. He'd watched Kenzi, he'd tested the way she moved him, the things he felt above and beyond the fact that she was, to be quite frank, incredibly attractive.

She was exceptionally gregarious. She was cunning, far smarter than she pretended to be...she was strong and she was creative, and she had a very special sort of loyalty that kept her always within arm's reach. She wasn't just there when he transformed after he got his powers back, she had the foresight to bring a change of clothes when she trusted herself to the Other Guy's care. She stayed with him, even after what had happened...

Even now, she was opening herself up in ways he could feel were unnatural for her. She was doing it, though...for him.

"I think...you came out of nowhere, Kenzi." he replied honestly, arriving at the same answer he'd come to every time he sat down and really thought about it. "I think you were there, nearly from day one during my time here, and you snuck up on me." He paused, looking down at his hands as they wrung together, fidgeting restlessly. "I think I have a very short list of people in my life that I...that I can't run from, can't exist without, and you somehow made it on there without my knowing. And...I think I don't know what that means yet, but I owe it to myself to find out. I can't ask you for any promises or commitments, because frankly I can't offer you even physical companionship in return...all I have to offer is me. If you want it...if you want to figure this out with me."

He gestured between them with a slightly helpless shrug. "What...this is."

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

She understood what he was saying because Bruce had snuck up on her too. There was so much about him that drew her in and, even without the Other Guy, he was unlike anyone she had ever met. He shared traits with people she knew but he was still so different. It was more than being scary smart too as he was brave, patient, loyal and a dry wit that no one could match. Plus he wasn't that bad to look at. At all.

Sensing his unease, she shifted to drop her feet on his lap just like she normally would do, initiating an easy sort of contact that wasn't too much but she hoped just enough. It was strange then because it was sort of like being asked out and yet not. She also knew he wouldn't ask for a commitment but she knew it would be somewhat exclusive too as she couldn't imagine him (or the Other Guy) liking the idea of someone else touching her.

Wetting her lips, she continued to watch him before having to ask. "Do you think you'll never be able to kiss or hug...or have sex?"

[the_other_guy]

The way she dropped her feet onto his lap was familiar, comfortable, and it grounded Bruce in a very welcome way. Without even thinking, his hand fell on her calf, fingers kneading absently as he let out a quiet huff of a laugh, shaking his head.

"I don't mean all physical contact is excluded." he assured her, nodding to where his hand sat on her leg. "The key issue is sex. Beyond control of my emotions, there are physical triggers inherent in the transformation process. My heart rate has to stay below a certain count, or else I'll turn no matter what. Physiological and psychological triggers go hand in hand with regards to my condition...but research may provide an answer. Now that I'm working at the lab, I hope to do some checking."

Not for a cure. He was well beyond that...only for a means. For this, for her...whether in science, psychology, or plain old self-discipline, there had to be a way for him to be with a woman. If not Kenzi, then someone, if not someone...then Kenzi.

His feelings for her, whatever they might be, weren't all he'd had his eyes opened to: Bruce was finally starting to realize that he had lost a lot to his condition.

Now that he had a taste, he wanted, more than anything, a chance to live again.

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

Relief poured through her as his hand fell to her leg and there was no stopping the soft sigh of pleasure that she made when he started to rub her calf like old times. It was like he knew exactly where to massage to ease the aches that she swore she didn't have from wearing the crazy shoes she loved.

"I'm fine with taking things slow." Honestly, it would be easier for her if they did. Then she started to smile. "And I'm okay with helping you do research." Okay, yes, taking things slow was a good thing but she couldn't deny that the idea of doing 'research' with him left her body humming with anticipation.

"But mainly, I like being with you. We can figure out all the rest as we go along."

[the_other_guy]

That made Bruce smile as his other hand joined the first, finding those knots in the muscle and soft tissue that were as familiar to him by this point as the sparkle in her wide blue eyes or the corsets that peppered her wardrobe. It was easy and familiar, and if he were truly honest with himself, it was touched with no small measure of affection and admiration.

He'd never been blind, after all...maybe a little slow, a little...unsure, but never blind.

"Okay. So...slow." he echoed, thumb pressing into a sore muscle that always made her squirm a little when he hit it, especially if she'd been traipsing around in heels over three inches high. "With regular trials...experiments."

He paused, then just to be sure he was being totally explicit...

"...dates? In the loosest sense of the word. Friendly, then...escalate as we make further progress."

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

Her lashes flickered when he hit the sore muscle in her leg that made her breath hitch and the rest of her squirm just a bit in response. It was just another sign of how well he had come to know her in the last few weeks of them spending time together and...it was nice. More than nice.

She almost felt completely like herself again.

Opening her eyes to look at him again, she smiled a little. "Dates work for me." She murmured softly, her eyes drifting briefly to the shape of his mouth and then back up again. "Okay, so when do you want our first date to happen? And what should we do?"