June 2, 2014 - and if i swallow anything evil, put your finger down my throat (for Kenzi Malikov)

[the_other_guy]

It was a normal night, like any other. It was his night to cook, Kenzi's night to mooch a free meal (which was every night she didn't bring over takeout), and the only strange thing was that Bruce was attempting a vegetable curry. Kenzi, of course, complained about "the lack of cow," as she put it, and then complained some more when he said it wasn't going to be all that spicy. She did it, of course, in the usual manner: theatrical groaning, long diatribes about her friend Trick back home and his usual spread on La Shoshain, and plenty of gesturing with her big spoon when he had her mixing a sauce while he chopped some squash.

By the time they were done eating and talking, it was late...well after two in the morning. For the last two weeks, there had been a pillow and blanket living on his sofa for her for the handful of nights he had been too tired to help her get home. Once he caught sight of Allison Argent coming home late from work, meekly admitting she'd been mugged, he'd flat out refused to let Kenzi head back to Chelsea Cloisters on her own.

He was exhausted, and the couch waited for her, just as his own bed waited for him...right after they cleaned up the debris left over from dinner.

"Kenz, can you pass me the--"

Bruce was putting away the dishes he'd washed, crouched in front of the base cabinet next to the sink, with his fingers curled around the frame when she slammed the cabinet door shut with her foot.

The force was just the wrong kind of shock: pain exploded through his hand, and he lost his grip on his vitals. A sharp cry of pain rang out as he drew his hand to his chest, dropping flat on his knees as he doubled over.

Adrenaline surged, his heart rate skyrocketed...and he couldn't stop it.

For an agonizing eternity, he knelt there, waiting for him to come screaming through his marrow, exploding out of every cell. He braced for the fight, readied himself to warn Kenzi to run.

It never came.

Nearly five minutes passed before he finally started to relax, uncurling and lifting his head as his body stayed quiet...calmed down, heart rate normalizing, adrenaline fading as he tried to catch his breath.

Lifting his head, he sought out Kenzi's gaze.

He wasn't turning. His hand didn't even hurt that much, now that the initial sting had worn off.

"I don't understand..."

Comments

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

It was an accident, a stupid mistake on her part, because she hadn't been paying attention to where his hand was when she kicked her foot at the cupboard door. Later she would blame it on being tired but that was no real excuse. She knew about him and the Other Guy, knew enough to be careful and to not do anything that would upset him.

So she was scrambling back from him, her hands flying to her mouth as she started to apologize over and over. She waited for it then. She waited for her first real introduction to the Other Guy while wondering what she could do to escape.

Except she didn't need to.

Watching, her hands drifted down slowly as she stared at him with a confused little frown. "I...I don't know? Shouldn 't you have gone all...grrr now?" She made a little clawing motion while making a face.

[the_other_guy]

Bruce nodded, shifting to get to his feet as he stared at his own hands...tanned skin, thin forearms, muscles a little more defined thanks to some yoga classes he'd been taking, but...still his.

Glancing up at Kenzi, Bruce calculated the risks of testing his control, his present situation...and concluded that the risk was warranted.

Shutting his eyes, Bruce tried to transform.

It was normally simple, allowing his rage to build and run through him rather than simmer at the bottom of his gut and press, a constant state of tension he couldn't exist without. When he relaxed, when he let that tension take him...

It wasn't like New York. Nothing bled away, nothing went dark...nothing happened.

Opening his eyes, he stared at Kenzi with a mixture of shock, fear, and something he wasn't allowing to be joy. Not until he had data, hard evidence of what was happening to him.

"I can't change. Kenzi, I can't...I-I can't change. The Other Guy, he's...he's gone."

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

Kenzi tensed again when he closed his eyes again, looking for a moment like he was trying to do something (she would never tell him it looked like a poop face), before he opened his eyes to look at her.

She read the mixture of emotions in his eyes and on his face, biting her bottom lip as she shifted towards him then. "Seriously? Like gone gone? As in 'do not let the door hit you on the way out' gone?"

She frowned. "Maybe he's just relaxing? And he knows I didn't mean to hurt you?" She added an apologetic look to the last bit.

[the_other_guy]

Bruce huffed with quiet laughter at her cringing, but her question shook him to the core. The implications of it were more than he could handle. It was freedom, it was hope...it was the end of something that had only just begun, a purpose for the Hulk, a reason for his existence, for everything that Bruce had endured...

And it boiled down to a set of fingers slammed in a cabinet door, thanks to Kenzi. He loved her a little bit for that.

"I need data." He replied, gripped by a giddy, wild feeling clawing at his insides, making his heart race dangerously fast with a thing he couldn't identify as hope or fear, and with no sign of transformation. "I, uh, I need to run some tests, I-I need to...to..."

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

"Wait! I know what to do!" She looked around before rushing over to the cutlery draw, reaching in to grab a set of chopsticks before whirling back to face him. She tried to stay back as far as she could then though it wasn't all that far considering chop sticks weren't the longest things ever.

Still, she used them to poke him once in the shoulder and once in the back. Then she backpedaled out of reach, watching him with wide eyes.

[the_other_guy]

Bruce just blinked at her as she poked him with chopsticks, like some kind of low rent grenade about to go off...And it was such a Kenzi thing to do that he laughed.

And for the first time in years, he didn't hold back. He laughed long, loud, and hard.

And it felt damn good.

Moving over to her, Bruce wrapped Kenzi up in a big bear hug, just holding on as his laughter faded to something quieter, a deep, gentle chuckle as he just held onto her.

"I haven't laughed like that in forever." He admitted quietly. "He's gone, and I can laugh again, Kenzi..."

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

Kenzi watched him, taking another half step back as he started to laugh like she had just done the funniest thing in the world. She waited then, watching to see if she would need to run and she was almost ready to spring into action by the time he moved to wrap her up in a hug.

She even went so far as to press the sticks against his side, almost like she might stab him, till she realized the hug was harmless.

"Seriously? You mean he's really, really, gone?" She tipped her head back to look at him. "You know what this means, right?"

[the_other_guy]

"With only rudimentary data available to draw a conclusion..." He paused as she drew back, lifting his hand to his own throat to check his pulse. "Pulse rate is completely irregular, adrenaline levels are way beyond safe limits..."

Lifting a hand, he showed her that it was trembling, with excitement or fear he couldn't be sure, but it was a direct reaction to his adrenal production. He was quivering, vibrating with emotion. By now, he ought to be destroying the block, and he wasn't

"Yeah, he's gone." he confirmed...until he realized just how Kenzi was looking at him.

"What're you thinking? Because this is a rudimentary conclusion, Kenz, I need to see if I can get access to a lab somewhere in the city to run some blood tests, find a cause for this. It could be the result of some sort of suppressant I've come in contact, or half life decay of the gamma radiation that I didn't anticipate, or..."

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

Kenzi felt her eyes starting to cross when Bruce started going on and on about the things that he should be doing now that he didn't sense the Other Guy in him anymore.

"Or..or...we could go have some fun!" She slapped her hands lightly against his shoulders, giving him a playful push. "Go out and do all the things that you normally can't do without fear or going all big and green." She grinned up at him.

"Seriously, let's go out to a club and get drunk. Maybe even do some dancing? Get into a regular old fight?"

[the_other_guy]

"Okay, Kenzi, slow down." Bruce admonished gently, hands on her shoulders as if that could stop her eager ideas from bubbling forth. "Yes, it's true: I feel different, and the usual physical triggers aren't initiating an incident, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm cured, for certain. He could come back at any time...my baselines may have shifted, or this could be artificially induced--"

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

"If he comes back, I'll talk him down." She replied confidently with a shrug like she didn't have a concern in the world when it came to the Other Guy.

"Come on. When is the last time you just let loose and had fun?"

[the_other_guy]

"You'll--" Bruce cut himself off at her casual assurance that she could talk him down...talk the Hulk into behaving himself. For a second, it scared him again, because if this wasn't real and Kenzi got hurt...

But it was real. He could feel the difference, he could...in his gut, he knew. Bruce was a scientist, he didn't trust gut feelings or instinct or any sort of sixth sense without verifiable data to back it up.

Her question made him pause, and she was so earnest, so eager to...show him a good time, to celebrate this sudden boon, to be happy for him that he knew he'd never be able to live with himself if he said no. It would break her heart, and Kenzi...for all her craziness, she was all heart. It was what he loved about her.

With a sigh, visibly weakening, Bruce scrubbed his hands over his face, peering at her over the tips of his fingers before pointing at her warningly.

"Bar, but not a club." he relented. "I didn't like clubs even before I got sick...and we're staying hydrated, okay? I'm not dealing with a hangover, so if I hand you water? You better look like drinking it, understood?"

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

Kenzi wanted to dance as soon as she saw him wavering and her smile only grew as he started laying down the ground rules. She nodded, pretending to listen to him though she would try to listen the water bit.

"Deal." She can work with going to a bar instead of a club. She was flexible that way.

"Go and get changed." She told him then, moving to the side with a grin. She also couldn't resist smacking him on the backside as he started to move. "Let's get our party on now that we don't have a killjoy chaperone."

[the_other_guy]

Bruce raised an eyebrow, glancing down at the khakis and purple buttondown shirt he was wearing...but argued against protesting her insistence he change. Purple never had been a very flattering color on him...

He started towards his bedroom, stopping dead in his tracks when the smack on the ass came.

Slowly, he turned to face her with a raised eyebrow, mouth hanging open in unmitigated shock. For just a second, he fell back on reflex and regulated his breathing, calming his heart, controlling his emotions and letting that ever-present anger rise...

Except that the anger wasn't there. He was happy, and Kenzi was being a brat. It made him smile, and he didn't have to try and control it.

So he turned back towards her slowly, then abruptly charged and scooped her off her feet as he stooped, tossing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes with a playful growl.

"Just 'cause the Other Guy's on holiday doesn't mean I still can't smash something, brat." he shot back, giving her ass a playful smack of his own before he carried her over and dumped her (carefully) to sit on the couch. As he started to straighten, he tapped the tip of her nose with his finger, a grin plastered to his face.

"Stay." he instructed as he drew back, turning to head to his room. "I'll be back in a couple minutes."

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

Kenzi had already backed up a foot or two as soon as her hand left his ass and she watched him with wide eyes as she struggled not to laugh at the shock on his face.

"What...I was just testing you...aahhh!" She let out a squeal as he strode over to her to scoop her up off her feet, surprising her with the move and the fact that he didn't drop her. She let out another yelp at the smack but she was smiling when he set her down.

Then she made a playful snarling face by wrinkling her nose and then nipping at his finger when he tapped her nose. She didn't move though, just sat back and waited till he was in his room before springing to her feet.

[the_other_guy]

Bruce rolled his eyes as she nipped at his finger, heading back to his room. Pushing the door shut behind him, he didn't bother to check when it rebounded a little, swinging open about an inch and a half.

His hands actually shook a little as he unbuttoned his shirt and shrugged out of it, he was so off balance and...and excited about this prospect. If there was a means to expel the Hulk, to be normal again...even if this didn't last, if it could be replicated...

Bruce's head spun as he tossed his shirt on the bed and headed to the closet to pick out a different one. After a few weeks of his new workout regiment, the clothes he wore which now fit properly, thanks to a greater confidence in his control, were no longer quite as well-fitting: the arms were tighter, they stretched just a little across the chest, and his pants were getting looser.

He was by no means cut, not yet...but standing in front of his closet, his previously bony chest boasted a flat swell of pectoral muscle, and his belly was no longer merely tighter, but finally starting to sport the definition of abs, which visibly tightened and bunched as he planted his hands on his hips, puffed out his cheeks, then lifted one hand to scratch his shaggy salt-and-pepper head.

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

It wasn't like she was trying to sneak a peek at him. She had merely been wandering somewhat aimlessly in the direction of his room before veering to the side and then pausing as she caught sight of movement through the slight opening of his door. Whatever she had expected to see though, it certainly wasn't of him standing there shirtless...or the fact that he looked really, really good.

Opening her mouth and then closing it, she struggled with what to say or do in that moment. A part of her knew that she should look away. Hell, she probably should go right back to the couch where he had put her but it felt impossible. It felt like she was rooted to the spot as she looked her fill, taking in every fine detail that she could see.

"Uh..." She twisted about even as she started to speak. "You should wear something blue! That's the best color on you, I think. Besides green." The last part was added as a joke as she hoped she didn't sound as flustered as she felt.

[the_other_guy]

Bruce jumped only a little as Kenzi appeared by the door, cheeks turning red at being caught topless, but it was no big deal. And it was Kenzi.

...so why was he feeling so exposed? And why did the little spark in her eyes make him feel like squirming?

"Green hasn't exactly been a voluntary fashion choice." he quipped, trying to fall back on sardonic humor as he crooked his fingers at her, giving her permission to come in if she wanted while he thumbed through the meager collection of shirts he had before pulling out one in a basic shade of primary blue. Turning to her, he held the shirt and hanger up to his chest, raising a silent eyebrow requesting approval of his selection.

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

It was no big deal. They were buds, like she was with most of the people she knew, and there was nothing at all odd about going into his room while he changed. Right?

So she acted like her normal self as she slipped into his room and dropped onto the edge of his bed with a bounce. Leaning her weight back on her hands, she found herself studying his back as he turned to look through his shirts. She swore it was just friendly appreciation though.

"We need to seriously take you shopping, Bruce." She told him as he turned back to her, nodding at the shirt he had.

[the_other_guy]

Bruce snorted with quiet laughter at that, rolling his eyes as he tugged the shirt off its hanger and tossed it onto the bed beside her before he moved to shrug it on. He could feel her looking at him, her eyes had weight and warmth as they moved over his skin...it was creepy (or so he told himself), and it made him really glad the Other Guy wasn't around to spring out because of it.

"Just don't get on my case for buying a couple sizes up." he warned with a lopsided smile as he started buttoning his shirt. "Better safe than sorry, you know?" It was a testament to his control that he could allow himself to wear real clothes these days instead of t-shirts and track pants with elastic waists...but he still bought larger sizes just in case.

Progress was still progress, right?

"So where we going?" he asked as he finished buttoning his shirt. "That same little dive you were drowning your sorrows in recently? Or do you know any other watering holes in this town?"

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

The mention of her drowning her sorrows recently was a sobering thought and a distracting one as she looked away, glancing around the room with a bit of a shrug. "We can go there or somewhere else. Let's just wander till we find somewhere that calls to us."

Then she tried to turn the conversation back to the topic from a moment before. "And why a couple sizes up? Don't your clothes just get ruined?"

[the_other_guy]

"Mostly...but at least I can keep my pants on while I'm big and green." Bruce replied as he finished with his shirt, tucking it in and moving towards the bureau in his room to check himself in the mirror. Satisfied with a rake of his fingers through his hair, he turned back to Kenzi and grabbed her hand, pulling her up off the bed. "Goes a long way to keeping the number of people who want me dead down to the bare minimum, being a half-clothed monster instead of a naked one. Now c'mon, let's get out of here before I lose my nerve."

They ended up at a bar across town, less of a dive and more of a...well, Bruce hoped to hell it was some kind of theme night, because he wasn't sure he wanted to ever go back if they had country line dancing all the time.

He listened to music, laughed as Kenzi mocked the line dancers, and drank nearly everything she put in front of him. He drew the line at vodka and tequila, because she was Russian and he was a lightweight.

By the time they left, he had a nice buzz going, right on the wrong side of tipsy. They took a cab, and most of the way home he had to fight Kenzi about wearing the Stetson she'd acquired at some point during the night (she claimed the hat was his, a prize in some dance challenge he couldn't remember entering, but might also be responsible for the bolo tie he was suddenly aware of wearing).

When they reached the Bramford Building, Kenzi toppled out of the cab just before Bruce could instruct the driver to take her home. As the taxi sped off, leaving them to stand in the street, Bruce just stared after the cab, then back a Kenzi...then pushed up the brim of the Stetson that somehow ended up on his head.

"You," he drawled, wagging a finger in her face, "are a brat." Slinging an arm around her neck, he hauled her forward towards his apartment building. "C'mon, Kenz, you're stayin' with me t'night."

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

Kenzi was far past the right side of tipsy because maybe Bruce didn't drink vodka and tequila but she sure as hell did. Plus it had felt good to let loose and just have fun. Not mope or feel bad but laugh, tell stories and make fun of line dancers right up until they somehow joined them.

Now her spirits were high and she felt alive as she tumbled out of the cab with a laugh. It didn't make sense to go home. She was always at his place these days anyhow and she...well, she needed to look after him.

"Okay!" She laughed, managing to stumble with him as she slid an arm around his waist. "Just tuck me in a corner somewhere, I won't make a sound."

[the_other_guy]

Bruce looked offended as he let her into the lobby ahead of him, huffing as he gestured with the hand his keys were in while he hauled her along, his arm tightening around her shoulders to keep her close against him. She couldn't make trouble if he held on tight, and she made lots of trouble...

"What...kind of guy d'you think I am?" he protested, leaning heavily on the button for the elevator as the Stetson slid down his forehead, nearly covering his eyes as he gave her his best hurt look. "I will tuck you on th' couch." He paused, blinking as the elevator doors pinged open.

"Tuck you...in th' couch?" he tried again. No, that didn't sound right, either...

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

Kenzi was leaning against him, giggling as he tried to find the right words for his plan of tucking her in on the couch. At least she was pretty sure that was the intention but it was kind of hard to understand with her alcohol-addled mind.

"Come on." She ducked back under his arm, moving behind him to give him a little push as she tumbled after him onto the elevator. "You're not making any sense, Drunky McDrunkard."

[the_other_guy]

Bruce stumbled as Kenzi unceremoniously shoved him into the elevator. Catching himself on the rear wall, he turned to shoot her a dirty look, making a wobbly grab for her as she followed him in so he could...

...he didn't know, but he'd do something. Something terrible. Vengeful, even.

"I am not Drunky McDrun...McDruck...that's not my name." he insisted as he struggled with the nickname.

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

Kenzi couldn't help but laugh again as she stumbled in after him, trying to catch her balance even as he grabbed her hand to pull her closer to him again. It was enough to send her sprawling against him even if they were standing upright.

"No but you're drunk. Totally drunk." She snickered as she looked up at him. It crossed her drunken mind then that he was actually kind of cute when he was glaring at her. Granted he was kind of cute all the time but she was really kind of noticing it now.

[the_other_guy]

"I am...just a little drunk." Bruce informed her, his arm going around her waist to support her. It wasn't hard, she was...little and lean and...warm. She felt warm against him, warm and soft and...well, she was Kenzi. Kenzi was crazy and obnoxious, but she was safe and trustworthy, even if she was sneaky...

...and she felt really good.

"Have...do...did I ever tell you that you're very pretty?" he asked, forgetting that he was trying to protest just how drunk he was. "I mean it, Kenz--Kenzi, you're really pretty. Cute, too. Like, likelikelike...like those little china doll carnival prizes, y'know? That's how cute y'are..."

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

"You are way drunk." She snickered as he slid an arm around her, drawing her even tighter against him till there was nothing but fabric between them. And she certainly didn't mind.

In fact she was briefly distracted by just how warm and hard he felt, even surprisingly broad with tight muscles underneath his clothes. And he was sweet and way too smart for her....but he never judged and he never made her feel stupid...he actually made her feel safe...

And special.

She couldn't really recall the last time someone had told her that she was pretty. Certainly not delicate pretty like a china doll carnival prize which she thought were actually very cute. So she leaned up to kiss him, only in the way of saying thanks, but it wasn't a little peck like she had intended. Or maybe the first kiss had been a peck but the feel of it had been nice, too nice, for her to pass up. So after a second's pause, she leaned up to press her lips to his again, lingering this time in a light kiss.

[the_other_guy]

It was just a peck...one that stayed there, a chaste but vaguely messy press of lips that missed at first, brushing over the skin above his upper lip before they found their mark, and it was...

Bruce hadn't kissed anyone since Betty.

He touched so few people to begin with, but Kenzi touched him a fair amount. Little, negligible things like an arm punch or shoving him around in the kitchen, or sometimes resting her head on his shoulder while they watched TV at his place. A couple times, after checking with him first, she'd even hopped on his back while he walked her home and he'd carried her piggyback across the street or down the block, somewhere within Darrow.

When she pulled back, he felt a little like he'd been punched in the gut, but in a good way. It was nothing, it was innocent...but it was nice.

The second kiss, however, wasn't nearly quite so innocent.

Even as drunk as he was, Bruce knew there was an issue of consent. They were both drunk, and neither one of them had ever gone there. They hadn't talked about it, hadn't alluded to it...hadn't even flirted. Well, not really, but Kenzi loved to lob around innuendo like it was a softball...

It was one kiss. A small one, an innocent one. Friends could kiss, right?

For a moment as he wrestled with himself, Bruce was passive as her mouth met his a second time. After a moment, he relaxed a little and shifted, head tipping to better fit his mouth to hers as he kissed her back.

Kissed his friend back...

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

Kenzi thought he was going to pull away even while wondering if she should pull away but any idea of doing that immediately melt away when he actually started kissing her back. And the way he kissed her...

Whoa.

It was like being touched with a live wire. Sparks of electricity and heat rushed through her then, stealing her breath and yet causing her to moan as she arched in his arms to press closer. The kiss deepened, her lips starting to tingle from just how hard and hungry he kissed her once he stopped holding back.

She didn't hold back either as she slid her hands down his chest once more, tugging his shirt from his pants.

[the_other_guy]

Bruce would forever thank God that he was just sober enough not to let himself be undressed in the elevator of his own apartment building.

His hands caught her wrists just as the elevator doors pinged open, stopping her from going further.

Despite the fact that his heart was pounding, his blood was singing...he'd forgotten this. How it felt to be excited, to feel alive...to feel, period.

How it felt to want. And he wanted...he wanted unspeakable, terrible things, given their friendship...

Very deliberately, Bruce, gathered one of her hands in his and drew back, leading her out of the elevator. He felt a lot more sober all of a sudden, and it filled him with more than a touch of regret.

He said nothing else as they walked to his door. He stayed silent as he unlocked it, as he ushered her in ahead of him.

The moment the door clicked shut, something in him just...broke.

He was blaming the booze for what he did next, and probably always would.

He was drunk, so he caught her shoulder and dragged her towards him. Catching her small face between his bigger hands, he bent to kiss her like he could consume her. He let himself feel the heat of her mouth on his, the softness of her skin, the fragility of those fine-boned features under his palms.

He was drunk, so he backed her messily against the nearest wall, lifted her off her feet and pinned her there with his body, breaking away so he could taste her skin, kissing and nipping at the curve of her long, elegant neck, sliding a hand over the curve of her throat to rest against the flat of her chest, just above the swell of those small, perfect breasts.

She was too young. She was a friend.

But Bruce was drunk, the Other Guy was gone...and he wanted.

[rhymes_with_frenzy]

Kenzi wanted to say that she wasn't as drunk as she was but it was hard to think through the blur of alcohol and the sudden spike of need that almost brought her to her knees.

She hadn't quite forgotten what this could be like but it was different with everyone. With Hale, it had taken some work but it had been amazing. This...this was blindsiding. She knew it was because they were friends, because she hadn't expected it, but suddenly she was wanting things she hadn't let herself really consider fully before. There had been moments of curiosity but it had never felt right to entertain them till now.

So she let him gather her hands together before leading her out of the elevator and to his apartment. She had one moment of clarity then as she turned towards him, about to ask if he really wanted this but the kiss he laid on her next pretty much answered that.

Staggering just a bit as she took a step back and then was pulled forward, she melted into the kiss with a low groan as he moved her again to the nearest wall. Not that she cared because she would have gone anywhere he wanted in that moment. And she did as he hoisted her up so she could wrap her legs around him and hold him close. Then she let her head fall back with another whimper as his mouth and hands started to wander.

"Oh god." She arched up against him, wanting and needing more as she let him take what he wanted.